Here we go again. Somebody famous is in trouble. Shocker, right? I don’t think it is about right or wrong, or even if someone did it. Most of these people could be photographed or caught on video with the gun in hand, and get off with some form of tickle torture or made to eat an ice cream sundae. What it boils down to is money and what you can pay your defense team. Truthfully, how many of you out there were surprised when Paris went to jail? We had a pool going in our office on how many days she would actually spend. I was convinced that she would never see the inside of a prison, and I was “almost” right when she got sent to her cushy oasis estate for house arrest. The funny part, was when she got out. Her TV appearances were right out of the Hollywood playbook - start a womens shelter, grow up, and find religion. As of today, I’m still waiting on updates.
Unfortunately, there is a lot of time spent covering the celebs (including this space here) and we get to hear and see everything. But, when does it become reality that they are held responsible for their actions? Recently, “celebrity” Nicole Ritchie (and I use that term loosely) had to walk the line. She is our current front runner in the 2007 edition of the running of the Hollywood Prison Gauntlet. (Defending champion Mel Gibson had a scheduling conflict.) She recently posted a time of 82 minutes from check in to check out for DUI. I think I waited in line at Space Mountain longer than that! The minimum for this is suppossed to be 4 days. Here’s what perplexes me, she has a prior conviction of DUI (2003) and according to Calfiornia law, “if convicted of a DUI twice within 10 years a person faces a sentence of 90 days to a year in jail, a fine between $390 and $1,000, and a suspension of driving privileges”. Put that into the handy-dandy Hollywood legal language super computer and out pops 82 minutes. Amazing!
The betting favorite to take home the gold for the HPG is Lindsay Lohan. Lohan recently stuck a plea to 2 counts of DUI and misdemeanor possession of coke (does anyone else think the record is officially broken?) and somehow managed to get out with a slap on the wrist. The judge gave her one day in jail (again, the MINIMUM is supposedly 4 days), credit for “time served” when she was arrested (oh boo hoo! I’m sure she was blitzed and thought she was being punk’d by Ashton), and a truckload of probation. I’m positive that her one-day sentence will break the record set by Nicole Ritchie and she’ll walk away with the gold. Our experts are predicting her time will come in about 37 minutes, probably checking in at 11:53pm and out at 12:30am, without breaking a sweat. And the probation includes and alcohol education class for 18 months - for Hollywood types, its probably something equivalent to going to bartending school.
My car tells me its 109 degrees. But its a “dry heat” they tell me. Does dry heat mean its the equivalent of trying to inhale sand? Or is dry like an oxymoron, for say…sweating your ass off? I now strangely know what it feels like to be a side of beef in a 
I am happy. The start of the EPL campaign has begun. I’m a big Man Utd. fan, so, there is a lot to look forward to, except drawing with Reading on the opening match (dammit!). In watching, it reminded me of the constant debate as to why soccer is not more popular here (in the US) vs. the REST of the world. I think the answer is simple - how many American father’s want their son to be the next Pele’ or Eric Wynalda (did some of you say “who”? Exactly). Exposure. I was lucky, my brother got me into the game. He was good, really good. He just gave it up. Today, though, most kids grow up with “3 balls” - baseball, basketball, & football. This is what you do in the neighborhood after school and on weekends, and this is what your father pushes you toward, especially if your father lives vicariously as a couch QB and has an unfulfilled dream of some “could of been” pro career. (Anyway, if I keep talking about this, you’ll have to charge me $135/hour.) There’s no glory in soccer, no headlines, no local hero. What father would want that for “their boy”? See my point?
Throughout the course of time, men have greeted each other with a variety of gestures. Socially, there are great differences on how man/woman or woman/woman say hello. The hug, air kiss, shake, and even the half hug/half handshake “what up yo” hybrid. The loudest - its easily when two women who haven’t seen each other for at least month or ones that have to share exciting news (engagements, pregnancies, etc…). These communications will transmit at frequency levels rivaling Macaw’s at the bird aviary. Anyone within audible range will end up doing the semi-head turn, half-shut one-eye move in order to soften the pain in your inner ear and normally follow it with an inaudible “good god”. Go ahead, think about the last time this happened to you, re-enact it, this move is a reflex reaction and built into everyone’s muscle memory. You’re probably doing it right now to see if I am right.