I want the life. I want the Malibu house. I want to impromptu vacation in Maldives. I want to be able to buy whatever I want whenever I want it. I want to be adored by millions. I want to hear my name screamed in a good way. I want a gift bag with $75K worth of stuff. I want an entourage and a body guard. Private jets are nice and $770k a month incomes are fun. I want to turn down a movie role that pays $20MM just because it won’t stretch me artistically.
I also want my every move I make watched. I wanted to be hounded by photographers and videographers. I want to be the feature story on TMZ and ET. I want to see my picture on the cover of People with a blond prostitute, an “amazed” look on my face and inset pictures of my 7 illegitimate children. I want to be rumored to be dating every Hollywood starlet at the same time (just not the Olsen twins). I want to have a wing at the Crossroads rehab center named after me.
Sounds like fun, huh. What is the price of fame? In exchange for millions (cha-CHING!) and everything that comes with it, you get to be under the microscope - especially when you are as good looking and likable as me. It doesn’t help when some of the “victims” have the intelligence level of a mushy avocado, but hey, how dumb can they be? Are they too stupid to know that we are all just poking fun and 90% of the US is waiting for that train wreck? Is it about being in the spotlight? Or do they just not care? Well, I’m here and broke while they are there and filthy rich. Wanna trade? Hmmm… The National Enquirer used to be about alien abduction and 3 headed llamas, now its totally about celebs. I miss the good ole “hoax”. How angry is the farmer in Iowa who got a proctology exam from E.T.? I wish someone would bring that back, it would always provide me with 4 minutes of entertainment while I wait on someone to keep writing a check for their groceries (its called a CHECK CARD PEOPLE! and its FREE!). Media conglomerates have launched because of “Celeb Stalking” - just waiting for them to trip. We are America, the land of entrepreneurs if you will. You have the photo wire service of X-17 that hires “illegals” and ex-gang members as contractors, and plenty of outlets that will buy them. Makes for a fun life, right? Sign me up.
So, we all live the envious life of wanting it all. But what does all encompass? Justin Timberlake (JT I am told) has every second of his love life documented with digital cameras and cell phones by people that are not working for him. Would you want that? He shows up to a Packers game with Jessica Biel on the sidelines no less and still gets captured. Where is his sanctuary? I wonder where some of these “paps” are hiding to get these shots. When you get a shot of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn hanging out on a balcony, you have to wonder about the levels of privacy. How long was that photog waiting for that shot? Some moments, I feel sorry for them. Its only going to get worse. But is the line “comes with the territory” applicable here? You know what you are getting into?
Growing up, we used to play the hypothetical game “trade”. Would you trade 5 years of your life to be in a “Boy Band” for everything that would come with it? Money. Teeny-boppers. Mall appearances in Minnesota and Idaho. Covers of Tiger Beat. Stalkers. Fast-forward ten years on the street - “Weren’t you…?” Would you trade?