Mom, I know what I want to be when I grow up. Professional Driver on a Closed Course. I think that just looks like a cool job. Would your parents be proud? Sitting around playing bridge or pinochle with the neighborhood chatty cathys…
Mom 1: “My son performed a successful heart transplant the other day.”
My Mom: “Really. Well, my son performed a double pigs tail at 85 mph while sipping on a Chai Latte. Take that…Bitch.”
You see all these great commercials with people doing crazy things in a car (that you will never, ever do) just to show the possibilities. Even the simple commercials, you know, showing the car cruising along the PCH, require a professional driver on a closed course. Think how much fun that job would be. Getting dressed up like you are getting shot out of a cannon. Barreling down a road at 120 in some German sedan with some Norwegian death metal band cranked up, hit water and then the breaks while ripping the steering wheel to the left. And CUT! Gonna need you to do that again, and this time, smile. Cha-CHING!
In my life of randomness, during the Eagles/Cowpunks game last night, they ran a couple car commercials. They all have that disclaimer, which I guess is to protect them from liability just in case some yahoo tries to execute the move in the commercial. Anyway, it got me thinking, who gets this job? Or, better yet, how can I get it? Is this like truck driving school? You plunk down your money, learn, and then they help you with job placement afterward? What happens when you get replaced by younger drivers? Is there a good retirement plan and benefits? Or do you then don a tux and become a car service guy? Maybe I can become a badass like Jason Statham in The Transporter! Better yet, for $34.95 I can just buy the book with the 7 cruicial steps to spinning a seamless 360 - at 100 KMH. Perfect!
Now, the funny part, my first car was a 1984 P.OS. Escort Stationwagon. We called it the brick. Because it was red and it could take all types of punishment. Hell ride was the term. If I would have known about the Gemini, I would have begged for one of these. I wanna go airborne through a fountain. I wonder how many cars they went through shooting this spot. No disclaimer, so I guess that means EVERYONE can do these moves. Think about it…Pulling up to school blasting Quiet Riot while riding on two wheels - Dukes of Hazard style. Yeah, the ladies would have wanted me.
Does Sally Struthers have this course offerning? I can also minor in typwriter repair. Man, I’m on my WAY!
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